It's Just Me
by AngelKruger
Summary: Prequel to the story "18th. floor balcony" Kinda sad, hope you like it.


Disclaimer: There's no way in the world that I could own Mai HiME or the song "It's just me" by Blue October, buuuuuuuttt... I do own the plot of this story (well, at least the little voices in my head do, fufufu).

This story was specially written for one little person that even if we don't really know each other I already like, this is for you ALEXISSA2 ; )

And thanx to everyone that reviewed my previous story: ssjx7squall, Bleeding Hopes, Naxor, AppleFlavoredPie, EleCoR and Swarm012.

Anyways... Here's the story.

"It's just me"

By AngelKruger

A long sigh escapes from between my lips while I watch such a typical crystal door of these places, in the far distance i can hear the crying of someone losing someone dear and I push aside my own fear while I gather the courage to finally the open the door, the only barrier that now separates me from you.

It's been a while since the last time that I saw you, and the truth is that I don't know what I'm going to do once I finally have you in front of me, one last deep breath and I take the last step and push the door open.

And there you are, as beautiful as always, I know you've been waiting for a long time and finally here I am.

I take a seat by your side and look thoroughly at you, your beautiful hair shining under the soft light, your body that I have always admired and even now makes me feel shivers longing for the touch of your fingers on my skin.

I take your hand between mine and in that moment something changes, it's as if i had found the piece that was missing inside me.

- Hey there, I'm back.

I know that you are not going to answer me, but I cannot be judged for trying.

- I know that it's been long since the last time that we met, and ... I...

I don't actually know how to explain how much it hurts me to have gone away, I regret leaving you alone when you needed me the most, but only two simple words escape from between my lips.

-... I'm sorry.

With these words I lose the little auto-control that I had left over my emotions, but I don't actually spill even one tear, I cast my gaze down feeling unworthy of you.

- I don't think I can even remember the reason for which I went away...

" _Or perhaps I don't want to remember it, for I know that is the same reason that today brought me back to you. "_

_**I lost a piece of me in you;  
I think I left it in your arms.  
I forget the reasons I got scared,  
But remember that I care quite a lot.**_

- But please believe me when I say that I never stopped loving you and that despite everything you keep being as important to me as the first day.

-You know, since I went away I've been alone, if it wasn't for Angel I think that I would have gone crazy from all the pain.

Since that night that I saw you for the last time, I closed myself to everyone, isolating myself from the rest of the world, it became my priority to stay away from everyone thinking that it was the only way to hide my pain without being judged.

It was when I realized how alone i left you, that I decided to comeback, I realized that I was the only one who was stopping me from moving forward and that's why I am here.

- I know it's unfair to ask you for this now, but I wish you could give me another chance to start all over again, to show you every second how much I love you.

_**You see but lately I've been on my own.  
Yeah one, but one by choice.  
You see, thats a first for me,  
There's only me, yeah theres only me,  
And now I realize for once,  
It's just me.  
It's just me.  
It's just me,  
And I'll find a way to make it,  
There's no one left to stop me.  
Here I go.  
Can we take it from the top?**_

Now I wonder how could I spend so long just feeling sorry for myself, drowning in my own pain and solitude, leaving you here to go through all this without me by your side.

I want to be strong, I want to try to leave the sadness behind and keep going forward for Angel, for you... For us.

- It is ironic, is it not? To spend all your life feeling incomplete and when finally you find that someone who complements you, you simply fly away for fear of losing it.

But I am done with this, I want to be a part of everything again, I want to feel alive again.

_**So why so long?  
So sad, I wanna be strong.  
Don't try to take this from me.  
I've already spent living half my life undone  
So why so long?  
So sad, I wanna be strong.  
Don't try to take this from me.  
I've already spent my life living half undone.**_

- Today I was with my parents before coming to see you, they were the ones who called me asking me to return, we talked for hours.

For the first time I opened myself completely to them and what was my surprise to see them receiving me with open arms, but they're not the only ones.

I turn my head and look away a moment to see over my shoulder and there they are, a small smile settles in my lips for the scene behind me.

In the waiting room, there are my friends, our friends, looking at Nao walking up and down in the room with our daughter in arms clinging to her neck.

- You know - I look back at you - at first it was very hard seeing all of them again.

"_It really was was. "_

" _But despite everything, here they are, taking care of me, lending me their strength to keep me standing . Nao, Mai, Mikoto, Haruka, Yukino, Midori, Akane, Kazu, Reito ... "_

I also left them without a word and I thought that they would keep me resentment, but it wasn't like that, they never gave up and even if I left them they were always next to me, giving me the space that I needed ... waiting for me.

- I don't know what would I do without them.

_**I've been talking to my aunts and uncles, mom and dad again.  
I've been finding out that I have what this world calls friends.  
I've tried to push them all away,  
They push me back and wanna stay  
And that's one good thing I have.**_

For so long I have been hiding from the world, running from the truth, leaving the resentment towards life destroy me slowly inside...

- But it is already enough - I tell to you with determination while I caress your hand - I am done with it, it is time to accept that no matter how much I want to, I cannot change the present...

" _Doesn't matter how much I want to, I cannot give you a new heart "_

I get up slowly and walk towards the window and look down at the street, the people walking, cars going and coming in a constant swaying, the birds flying free in the sky and it is then that I make a decision.

" _I want to feel again freely, without the ties that I set on myself, I want to live again, not for someone else but for me, I want to return to our home and form a future for our daughter "_

While I think this, I feel like a knot is forming in my throat and the painful hammering of my heart, I grab my shirt with my right hand trying to ease the pain in my chest.

" _I want to feel each one of the beats of my heart no matter how much it hurts, I want to walk with my head held high knowing that I am not alone, that you'll always walk next to me ... "_

I turn my head and look at you, my tears now running freely for my cheeks.

-... I don't wanna hurt no more.

_**I'm gonna feel a peace in me,  
I'm gonna feel at home.  
I'm gonna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone.  
I wanna feel a punch inside, my heart beat on the floor.  
I don't wanna hurt no more.**_

I slowly approach you and watch how a single tear falls from your closed eyes, I wipe it with the tips of my fingers, I want to be strong, for you, for Angel...

" _For me "_

But not today, today I'm gonna let it all out, I'm gonna cry till theres no more tears inside me, today I'm gonna say 'I'm sorry' over and over again till I can forgive myself.

Today I am going to let out the whole pain that I have in my soul, I'm going to cry if it is necessary a whole ocean to drown there the sorrow that I have inside so I can be able to smile again, I am going to say repeatedly 'I'm sorry ' until I learn to forgive myself like the others did.

_**Yeah it's just me.  
It's just me  
And i'll find a way to make it.  
There's no one left to stop me.  
Here i go, can we take it from the top?**_

- Have you forgiven me, Natsuki?

I smile sadly while I keep on crying, even though I know well what you would say to me if you were awake.

" _There is nothing to forgive, my love, what matters is that you are here, that you returned to me "_

I look up to the sky and close my eyes trying to calm the pain and the fury that threaten to kill me slowly, in silence, I raise a prayer to the sky.

"_Please give me, give us, a chance to start over again, I know that maybe I don't deserve it and that I'm being selfish, but none of that matters to me now, I know I was the one that left, I know that's what I chose, but here I am, begging you to please, please don't take her... not yet. She's so young and still has a lot to live, a lot of things to do and see. She still has to watch our daughter grow, there's still too many 'I love you's' that I have to give her."_

_**  
So why so long?  
So sad, I wanna be strong.  
Don't try to take her from me.  
I've already spent my life living half undone.**_

"_It wasn't supposed to end like this, we were supposed to wake up, one day when we were older, just holding on together till our time to part from this world came, please just... don't take her from me; _ _from all of us, I've already wasted enough time without her because of my own childish fears..."_

I open my eyes and look again at your beautiful face.

- I'm sorry, I promise i will always love you, my dear Natsuki.

After saying that I can hear a sigh coming from your lips and I can swear that a small smile dances on your lips, then... nothing, just the saddest sound that I've ever heard, the long sound that tells me that your gone.

_**I used to be the one who won before.  
I used to smile but don't no more.  
I'm living just to watch it all go by.**_

"_We'll meet again, please wait for me..."_

_**FIN**_

Sooooo, you liked it?, loved it?, hated it? Please grant me just a minute of your valuable time and drop me a review, thank you for reading and good luck!!


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